It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
