He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
