It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
