just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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