super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
