What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
