I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
