You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
