..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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