help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
