Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Two words: nipple clamps
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