how can u be prego again
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Im part way to drunk.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
