There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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