would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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