i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
