just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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