My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
