the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
