So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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