She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
