Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
