I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
