Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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