They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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