i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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