jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
