Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
