This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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