I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
