Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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