well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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