Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
