eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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