My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
