I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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