Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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