i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
