this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
