Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Operation Purity has been aborted
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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