My nipple is on Facebook.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
