wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You can't special order awesome
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
