But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
