It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my vag is so smooth its legendary
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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