I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
