Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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