i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
