Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
