just tell him i said nine months
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize