Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
