My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize