speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
