drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
