I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
