How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
