it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
