you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
