he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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