When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize