As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
