I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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