just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
