Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
