I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
