i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize