K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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