I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Are we still banned from the library?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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