On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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