so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
