Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She told me I should be a condom model.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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