Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
