Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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