all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
