you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
