His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
