u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
