people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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