I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
