I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
