End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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