If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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